I write Becasue

I write because the alternative is to (re)act without a complete thought.

Actually, I write because in writing I find myself, my passion, an outlet for my anger, and a way to live beyond just a pay check. In writing, I often find the core of a person that usually is not readily apparent or discerned any other way.

Interesting then, that we would come to this point again, after all that we just pushed our way through, but I guess that is the way of it all. Intension's, as in my determination to say to you that you were not alone, are all about desiring to reach out and into another being in whom I found(find) compassion, tenderness, and a deeply abiding need to receive love and acceptance.

As you had stated in that initial moment, in your life, there was a one who respected and revered you, and your desire was to be all that you were capable of being with that man. Me, I have been most supportive of that, and have never wavered from my desire to just see you happily released from those past experiences we so easily talked about.

Therefore, my intension's are to always be to you a great and wonderful friend, someone who you learn to trust and respect and discover a desire to be yourself with. Sure, on the other side of your relationship(s), I would welcome a chance to put into practice, all the things that we will have learned about each other, but that is not the goal, nor the prize of our being together now, nor in the future.

A one in who you find peace and honor, Love and acceptance is my aim, no matter what you and I become. For like you, many is the chance, and plenty is the opportunity, but not often do either of us meet a one like what we have discovered in the other here.

So my intension is to see that grow and develop.

If in the between of all that, I meet and marry another, I hope you would honor all that we have shared by coming to the event and offering a toast, I would!

Limitations then are something that if you feel you need, who am I to say your wrong.
Yes, there have been many a bad and uncomfortable moments for you in your life as it revolved around men, but I am a Man after all. Not someone acting like a man, or playing at being a man, but an actual living, breathing, soul searching and redeeming Man!

Someone who you can actually trust and depend upon. True enough, we do have a great non verbal relationship developing and if that's all you have to offer, well who am I to offer an argument? Commitment to your well being and solace for your soul is the perspective that I am working from, and yes, I really do wish you had that in mind for me too, but, we both know that no one can be themselves when trapped in a box, so if your unwilling to take the goodness that you feel when we connect and allow that to thrive and prosper out in the open, well maybe that is something to consider to.

The phone is revealing, true enough.

Actually, while breathing just now, I think you did to!

Maybe there is a danger to this, but for me, I do not see it, nor am I capable of understanding it. Together, we had a great time and shared a beautiful moment. Me, I truly desire to have more of that. Should it be not something that you believe will be as rewarding and as enriching as this, well then I must be wrong about you too................................

Truly, in writing, I can and do reach others.

And I like that too!

What do trees have to do with peace?

Thirty years ago, in the country of Kenya, 90% of the forest had been chopped down. Without trees to hold the topsoil in place, the land became like a desert. When the women and girls would go in searchof firewood in order to prepare the meals, they would have to spend hours and hours looking for what few branches remained.

A woman named Wangari watched all of this happening.

She decided that there must be a way to take better care of the land and take better care of the women and girls. So she planted a tree. And then she planted another. She wanted to plant thousands of trees, but she realized that it would take a very long time if she was the only one doing it. So she taught the women who were looking for firewood to plant trees, and they were paid a small amount for each sapling they grew. Soon she organized women all over the country to plant trees, and a movement took hold. It was called the Green Belt Movement, and with each passing year, more and more trees covered the land. But something else was happening as the women planted those trees. Something else besides those trees was taking root.

The women began to have confidence in themselves. They began to see that they could make a difference. They began to see that they were capable of many things, and that they were equal to the men.They began to recognize that they were deserving of being treated with respect and dignity. Changes like these were threatening to some. The president of the country didn't like any of this. So police were sent to intimidate and beat Wangari for planting trees, and for planting ideas of equality and democracy in people's heads, especially in women's.

She was accused of "subversion" and arrested many times. Once, while Wangari was trying to plant trees, she was clubbed by guards hired by developers who wantedthe lands cleared. She was hospitalized with head injuries. But she survived, and it only made her realize that she was on the right path. For almost thirty years, she was threatened physically, and she was often made fun of in the press. But she didn't flinch. She only had to look in the eyes of her three children, and in the eyes of the thousands of women and girls who were blossoming right along with the trees, and she found the strength to continue. And that is how it came to be that 30 million trees have been planted in Africa, one tree at a time.

The landscapes--both the external one of the land and the internal one of the people--have been transformed. In 2002, the people of Kenya held a democratic election, and the president who opposed Wangari and her Green Belt Movement is no longer in office. And Wangari is now Kenya's Assistant Minister for the Environment.S he is 65 years old, and this year she planted one more tree in celebration and thanksgiving for being given a very great honor:
Wangari Maathai has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

She is the first African woman to receive this award. After she was notified, she gave a speech entitled,"What Do Trees Have To Do With Peace? "She pointed out how most wars are fought over limited natural resources, such as oil, land, coal or diamonds. She called for an end to corporate greed, and for leaders to build more just societies. She added:"Our recent experience in Kenya gives hope to all who have been struggling for a better future. It shows it is possible to bring about positive change, and still do it peacefully. All it takes is courage and perseverance, and a belief that positive change is possible.

That is why the slogan for our campaign was 'It is Possible!'" "On behalf of all African women, I want to express my profound appreciation for this honour, which will serve to encourage women in Kenya, in Africa, and around the world to raise their voices and not to be deterred." "When we plant trees, we plant the seeds of peace and seeds of hope. We also secure the future for our children. I call on those around the world to celebrate by planting a tree wherever you are.
"As she received the Nobel Peace Prize this week in Oslo, she invited us all to get involved: "Today we are faced with a challenge that calls for a shift in our thinking, so that humanity stops threatening its life-support system. We are called to assist the Earth to heal her wounds and in the process heal our own."

Can we accept Wangari's invitation?

When in the mirror of your life

Within this mirror you see,
that the twinkle in your eyes
speaks of the passion that causes your heart to beat so rapidly

Often I wonder, do your lips effect you as they do me?
It is but through my pure imagination that I feel those lips press against mine,
and my heart does pound in the same beat by beat
as I am holding you close in my mind.

Beautiful...Is but the sunrise and of each day that I have purposed because of you.
As perfect is what the sunset will bare witness to at the end of a day soon to come
when I am spending it with you my love,
within the mirror of our lives............ together.

Wanting to discover other people in my work and play life,

I found that by providing the answer,
it often revealed the questions.

Who am I(?) is a question that can best be answered when viewed through the prism,
of who I am not.

Honestly:

I don't want You to be less than I am for the comfort level of those around we may be around.
For I am not a man who will not let you explore your thoughts with me, even when you're unfocused, for that is how I get focused too.

I am not a man who does not kiss and touch gently to stimulate you as we begin to make love, but sometimes it's just sex.

I am not a man who does not allow your natural rhythms for sleep, food, relaxation, work and exercise to be what they are, or need to be.

I am not a man who is not fascinated by what's in your mind, as you need to with my own.

I am a man who doesn't care how I dress or look, Yet I am focused on how you do, and I will respond to you standing before me in a short skirt and heels, a house coat, or nothing at all.

I am a man who will not, nor can not withhold himself from my family, my love, my sex, my thoughts, my activities, my ambitions, my fantasies, my writings.

I am a man who will allow you to love him and express it in the way that is yours to express, who does demands it look a certain way pre-determined by me, yet real Love has many faces, so I am flexible.

I am a man who abuses my strength and capability for my own laziness, deceit or denial, for I am often too much and so I have to temper myself around others, sometimes, maybe even you.

I am a man who can care for himself and you, and if need be, financially. But first, I reclaim all that is mine, at least for my own issues of self.

I am a man who would ask you to do something for him that he knew would hurt, or endanger you, or some part of my life, but only as a tool to your outer growth and inner amazement.

I am not a man who uses pornography. Or has a secret sex life.

I am not a man who will tolerate anyone hurting those I love because I am out of touch with me, nor for that matter, those who you love aside from me.

I am a man who does not know how to be any less than you are in all of your activities and thoughts, no matter how small or large.

I am a man who does not understand your physicality...both the strength and the chronic pain. Though I am not a man who does not appreciate what you have done in your life with the handicaps of pain and limitation is profound and I will support you with massage, a watchful eye, a healthy lifestyle and a heavy hand.

I am a man who is at peace around his parents.

I am a man who does see what your children mean to you and I will create opportunities to your parenting and their growth therein.

I am a man who accepts your friends on a basic level, and will desire to not characterize them negatively in a way designed to plump himself up, but I will not accept less than the best for you, from them.

I am not a man who has any prejudice toward any peoples, individuals, or groups, unless it’s the government, but I am not tolerant nevertheless.

I am not a man who is tied heavily to a doctrine that causes him to be narrow in his humanity or intellect.

I am not a man who is afraid of manual labor.

I am not a man who relies on alcohol, drugs, or any activity to be an obsession and an exclusion from others, but I do have some very strong areas of focus and commitment.

I am a man who deploys his leavings around the house....newspapers, corks, socks, wrappers... As though to say it is always someone else's job to follow me, but I am aware of this habit and attempt to make up for it in my cooking and addiction to doing the laundry. The flowers that I also leave all over the place and of course, my humble love and tenderness, which also translates into the rest of the relationship.

I am a man who does help you to grow sexually through our intimacy and I value sex, yet strive more towards completeness and not just the act itself.

I am a man who does not reflect on his behavior towards others, but I am thoughtful about my love and how she thinks and feels.

I am a man, who does open doors for you, and hope for and often pray that you will seek to open a door for me every now and then.

I am a man who is not often well groomed, but I seek to please you with my appearance, even if I know you can not see me.

I am a man who is not present when he's present, but I will always seek to say so when I can, and you are more than welcome to invite me in, on those occasions when you see that I am out..........there!

I am a man who doesn't understand and like romance............lol!

I am a man who does like his woman getting harmless attention (looks, etc) from men, though overly flirty can be addictive.

I am a man who knows a big and foolish mistake is to take you for granted.

I am not a man who lacks passion and hasn't used his own experiences, good and not, to energize his life.

I am not a man who criticizes you for things you like as though they are silly, even when to me, they may indeed be.

I am not a man who feels "female" activities are somehow less than "male" ones. Like having lunch with a girlfriend is a silly hen coffee clutch thing, but having a beer with the boys is the real thing. Or, one who objects to you having a beer with the boys, maybe.

I am not A man, who doesn't see YOU as you are,
nor often do I want you to be to me whoever it is I may think I need to you to be for my unresolved issues and partially broken heart.

Truly, I just like people to be themselves and therefore open to the honesty
that dwells within us both!

Something else to consider:

What's It All About?

Life isn't about keeping score.
It's not about how many friends you have.
Nor about if you have plans this weekend or if you're alone.

It isn't about who you're dating, who you used to date,
how many people you've dated,
or if you haven't been with anyone at all.

It isn't about who you have kissed, it's not about sex.
It isn't about who your family is or how much money they have.
Or what kind of car you drive.
Or where you went to school.

It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are.
Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on,
or what kind of music you listen to.

It's not about if your hair is blonde, red, black, or brown.
Or if your skin is too light or too dark.

It's not about what grades you get, how smart you are,
how smart everybody else thinks you are,
or how smart standardized tests say you are.

It's not about what clubs you're in or how good you are at "your" sport.
It's not about representing your whole being on a piece of paper
and seeing who will "accept the written you.

"But, life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It's about who you make happy or unhappy purposefully.
It's about keeping or betraying trust.

It's about friendship, used as a sanctity or a weapon.
It's about what you mean and say, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening.
It's about starting rumors and contributing to petty gossip.
It's about what judgments you pass and why.

And who your judgments are spread to.

It's about who you've ignored with full control and intention.
It's about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge.
It's about carrying inner hate or love, letting it grow, and spreading it.

But most of all;
It's about using your life to touch or poison other people's hearts
in such a way that could have never occurred alone.

Only you choose the way those hearts are affected,
and those choices are what life's all about.


~~author unknown

A River Runs Through It [Life lessons offered by rivers]

Rivers eventually reach the sea,
rejoining the “source.”

In completing their lives,
they offer replenishment to the oceans,
so that life may continue.

Without this cycle, we’d have no rain, and no rivers.
[We’d also have no rainbows.]

The sea is always the same,
yet is always changing.
The same water has been there for eons,
yet it’s been cycled over and over into clouds,
rain, lakes and rivers.

Ever-flowing; ever-changing,
life is also always the same,
Yet is always changing.

How you live therefore is a choice.

Perhaps the way you live your life could,
like rivers and the sea,
touch, enrich and nourish all those with whom you come into contact.


From a Hawaiian poem:
Be like the ocean.
Be open to changes,
be excited about new challenges and share these moments with each other in the new year!

Moving

Moving in the direction of being one mind.
Learning the essence of your soul,
treasuring your time.

Waiting to hear your voice
and imagine your touch.

Basking in the radiance of your beauty,
I would enjoy that very much.

Being tied to your strings and twisted all around.
My destination is your heart,
where I want to be bound.

Staying on course along the road that I have traveled a time or two.
Moving in the direction that will end with you.


By: Shirley A. Jackson

The front row

Life is a theater, so invite your audience carefully.

Not everyone is worthy enough and/or healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives.
There are even some people in your life that need to be loved from a great distance, yet, I am moving away from the topic.

It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go, or at least minimize your time aroind draining , negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships, friendships, fellowship even! Observe the relationship around you. Pay attention to which ones have left and which ones still lean upon you? which ones encourage and which ones discourage? which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones going downhill? when you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, and appreciate you and the gift that lies within you?

The more you seek God and the things of God--- the more you seek quality, the more you seek not just the hand of God but the face of God---therefore, the more you seek things that are honorable--- the more you seek growth, peace, love and truth around you, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the FRONT ROW and who should be move to the balcony of life of your life.

You cannot change the people around you.... but you can change the people you are around! Ask God for wisdom and discernment and choose wisely the people who sit in the FRONT ROW of life.

Beautiful words...

"To believe is to know that every day is a new beginning.
It is to trust that miracles happen, and dreams really do come true.
To believe is to see angels dancing among the clouds,
To know the wonder of a stardust sky and the wisdom of the man in the moon.

To believe is to know the value of a nurturing heart,
The innocence of a child's eyes and the beauty of an aging hand,
for it is through their teachings we learn to love.

To believe is to find the strength and courage that lies within us.
When it is time to pick up the pieces and begin again.
To believe is to know we are not alone,
That life is a gift and this is our time to cherish it.

To believe is to know that wonderful surprises are just waiting to happen,
And all our hopes and dreams are within reach.

If only we believe."


Author Unknown

I am, Only Human

Only Human

Time is mostly itself when passing.
So bees wend high above the road
Where a fine dust cloud rises
And white birds appear in the gathered green.

No painter here to take their wing to canvas,
No inscrutable simplicity in a crack heads cluttered mime,
No poet giving voice to mute mud,
No philosophic sap, swollen knot of superadded wisdom,
Nor a Christ lodged in the slowing green snail . . .

Such are limp hands white with sleep,
Hair as water burns on golden sand,
Or wooden dark in its stillness.

It be the blaze of afternoon brings the heat of world,
Listing here on slight breezes, where
Over your radiant slumbers sugar cypress arms
Canopy my nodding vigil.

Invisible breath: guardian of our present
Steals through infant lips,
of a new old world,
Secretly to stir the leaves around.

Time is mostly itself, when passing.

I still believe

just thinking about your dream(s), and how our dreams are often more than just vivid reminders of who and why we are.

Contained in those thoughts then was this image of you sleeping.

Breathing softly as you do, with that smile of yours looking up at me,
I was reminded of late August sunsets and candle light.

Which is why I stiil believe for every drop of rain that falls upon the road, a flower grows. Still, believing that somewhere in the darkest night, a candle will be glowing.

I still believe;

That for everyone who has gone astray, someone will come along to show them the way. Still believing above a storm the smallest prayer can still be heard.

Even a prayer spoken in your sleep.

The Book of Love is........

The book of love is long and boring.
No one can lift the damn thing,

It's full of charts and facts and figures
and instructions for dancing,
But I love it when you read it to me,
For you can read me anything.

The book of love has music in it,
In fact that's where music comes from.

Some of it is just transcendental,
Some of it is just really dumb,
But I love it when you sing to me
And you You can sing me anything

The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago.
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know

But I love it anyway.

Always look up

On the way down,

I saw you and you saved me from myself
and I wont forget the way you loved me.
On the way down,
I almost fell through but I held on to you.

On the way down is when I loved you the most!

A smile from me today...and always ~

"Did you know...that when you walk past a flower,
whether it be in somebody's garden or on a vacant hillside,
the flower will always smile at you.

The most polite way to respond,
I've been told,
is to cheerfully return the smile."

When "she" spoke she said:

From where I am sitting you seem to have it(?) together.
Within you then, I see that you are intelligent and sensitive, strong and secure.
A bright star I imagine.
All good reasons for me to approach you.

To me, you appear open, free to explore and learn.
As for me, the more you want to know the deeper inside I will let you explore.

If it's passion you seek, you are looking in the right direction.
I know the value of a strong bond.
I understand the components of friendship and trust.
I know that true intensity, can be found, even in the quietest of moments!

In the between, I like to kiss, drink wine, watch the moon, run into waves, swing,
slide, teeter-totter, drive, ride, hide under blankets, eat, sleep, make love.... and sing of key.

Just your more basic of human desires and so much more too!

Her

Johanna

Do you miss me still?

Or has the screaming into the night,
Passed with the pain
Of my leaving?

On the subway yesterday,
A woman said
That the twilight
Of our love

Interrupts your sleep
Nevertheless.

I miss you too!

A thought for your pain

Afterwards:

The world is turning,
The fires burning,
And there was God!

Not standing by,
Though by your side,
The Creator waits for you.

Falling back in time

I am not the mountain, though the mountain is me:

You will never therefore know me;
Until you reached my peak
Stood upon my ridgeline
Traveled the unmarked path of my crags
Waded the depths of my rivers
Crossed my phantom bridges
Seen what I have witnessed
Endured the storms that batter me still
Love how I have loved
Give as I have taken
Endured the depths of my passions

I am the mountain, though the mountain is not me:

You will not know who I am;
By my written words
But by my unspoken whispers
The language of my rocky embrace
Without the tenderness of my indomitable summit

For just like all mountains before me;
I have dreams, and my dreams contain wishes
My wishes have ambition, and my ambitions have desires
Within my desires, there are often emotions
Contained in my emotions are fury, yet I am not furious.

I am therefore the hidden lava below the snow cap,
Do you know where to find me?
Do you dare to meet me?
Do you care to complete me?

Yes, I have made mistakes in my life,
As have some others mountains
But I am not in competition with them.

I am not the mountain of your fears,
All of what I have done, where I have been
And the choices I have made
Make me who I am today,
The Mountain, who became a Man!

Do you still care to hear me?
Do you know where to be near me?
Are you ready to find out?

Losing anothers Love

One of the fundamental aspects of loving is the willingness to unite deeply with another person. It is natural that we should desire to be a deep and integral part of those we love. We believe that we can only bring them happiness if we can know them mind, body and soul.

There is an inherent danger in this when we become so thoroughly involved with another that we lose ourselves. In so doing, we become less to everyone who loves us. For us to totally merge our identity with another is to deny our past and all that makes us who we are. A loving relationship works better as a voluntary coming together of two separate individuals. Through their dedication and respect for each other, they create a new entity, which is neither one of them, but part of both- their relationship.

New relationships are always fragile; for those that survive seem either to age gracefully or end up simply aging. The difference it seems is in the two people, who have maintained their personal integrity and who have also been willing to merge their efforts and uniqueness into shaping their love, towards another independent being.

We will find it necessary to relinquish something of ourselves with each new relationship, but it is wise to be forever cautious not to totally lose ourselves in the process. For those who love us, learned to love us as individuals, not as part their greater whole, but separate unto ourselves, and whole from within.

A new Season of Love

If love were a season,
It would begin in the Spring; warm and tender.

As the gentle rains fell, love like a flower
Would grow, reaching ever higher
For the warming Sun.

Just as if love were any season,
Before we knew it
The bright hot sun of the summer
Would scorch our love.

Forcing us to seek the shelter
Of each others protective embrace.

If love were any other season,
The chill of our words
Would become the ice
on the ponds that dot our hearts.

Waiting,
Waiting still,
For the season to change
Us back into the succulent splendor
That was our spring time beginning!