I write because the alternative is to (re)act without a complete thought.
Actually, I write because in writing I find myself, my passion, an outlet for my anger, and a way to live beyond just a pay check. In writing, I often find the core of a person that usually is not readily apparent or discerned any other way.
Interesting then, that we would come to this point again, after all that we just pushed our way through, but I guess that is the way of it all. Intension's, as in my determination to say to you that you were not alone, are all about desiring to reach out and into another being in whom I found(find) compassion, tenderness, and a deeply abiding need to receive love and acceptance.
As you had stated in that initial moment, in your life, there was a one who respected and revered you, and your desire was to be all that you were capable of being with that man. Me, I have been most supportive of that, and have never wavered from my desire to just see you happily released from those past experiences we so easily talked about.
Therefore, my intension's are to always be to you a great and wonderful friend, someone who you learn to trust and respect and discover a desire to be yourself with. Sure, on the other side of your relationship(s), I would welcome a chance to put into practice, all the things that we will have learned about each other, but that is not the goal, nor the prize of our being together now, nor in the future.
A one in who you find peace and honor, Love and acceptance is my aim, no matter what you and I become. For like you, many is the chance, and plenty is the opportunity, but not often do either of us meet a one like what we have discovered in the other here.
So my intension is to see that grow and develop.
If in the between of all that, I meet and marry another, I hope you would honor all that we have shared by coming to the event and offering a toast, I would!
Limitations then are something that if you feel you need, who am I to say your wrong.
Yes, there have been many a bad and uncomfortable moments for you in your life as it revolved around men, but I am a Man after all. Not someone acting like a man, or playing at being a man, but an actual living, breathing, soul searching and redeeming Man!
Someone who you can actually trust and depend upon. True enough, we do have a great non verbal relationship developing and if that's all you have to offer, well who am I to offer an argument? Commitment to your well being and solace for your soul is the perspective that I am working from, and yes, I really do wish you had that in mind for me too, but, we both know that no one can be themselves when trapped in a box, so if your unwilling to take the goodness that you feel when we connect and allow that to thrive and prosper out in the open, well maybe that is something to consider to.
The phone is revealing, true enough.
Actually, while breathing just now, I think you did to!
Maybe there is a danger to this, but for me, I do not see it, nor am I capable of understanding it. Together, we had a great time and shared a beautiful moment. Me, I truly desire to have more of that. Should it be not something that you believe will be as rewarding and as enriching as this, well then I must be wrong about you too................................
Truly, in writing, I can and do reach others.
And I like that too!
Monday, January 31, 2005
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
What do trees have to do with peace?
Thirty years ago, in the country of Kenya, 90% of the forest had been chopped down. Without trees to hold the topsoil in place, the land became like a desert. When the women and girls would go in searchof firewood in order to prepare the meals, they would have to spend hours and hours looking for what few branches remained.
A woman named Wangari watched all of this happening.
She decided that there must be a way to take better care of the land and take better care of the women and girls. So she planted a tree. And then she planted another. She wanted to plant thousands of trees, but she realized that it would take a very long time if she was the only one doing it. So she taught the women who were looking for firewood to plant trees, and they were paid a small amount for each sapling they grew. Soon she organized women all over the country to plant trees, and a movement took hold. It was called the Green Belt Movement, and with each passing year, more and more trees covered the land. But something else was happening as the women planted those trees. Something else besides those trees was taking root.
The women began to have confidence in themselves. They began to see that they could make a difference. They began to see that they were capable of many things, and that they were equal to the men.They began to recognize that they were deserving of being treated with respect and dignity. Changes like these were threatening to some. The president of the country didn't like any of this. So police were sent to intimidate and beat Wangari for planting trees, and for planting ideas of equality and democracy in people's heads, especially in women's.
She was accused of "subversion" and arrested many times. Once, while Wangari was trying to plant trees, she was clubbed by guards hired by developers who wantedthe lands cleared. She was hospitalized with head injuries. But she survived, and it only made her realize that she was on the right path. For almost thirty years, she was threatened physically, and she was often made fun of in the press. But she didn't flinch. She only had to look in the eyes of her three children, and in the eyes of the thousands of women and girls who were blossoming right along with the trees, and she found the strength to continue. And that is how it came to be that 30 million trees have been planted in Africa, one tree at a time.
The landscapes--both the external one of the land and the internal one of the people--have been transformed. In 2002, the people of Kenya held a democratic election, and the president who opposed Wangari and her Green Belt Movement is no longer in office. And Wangari is now Kenya's Assistant Minister for the Environment.S he is 65 years old, and this year she planted one more tree in celebration and thanksgiving for being given a very great honor:
Wangari Maathai has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
She is the first African woman to receive this award. After she was notified, she gave a speech entitled,"What Do Trees Have To Do With Peace? "She pointed out how most wars are fought over limited natural resources, such as oil, land, coal or diamonds. She called for an end to corporate greed, and for leaders to build more just societies. She added:"Our recent experience in Kenya gives hope to all who have been struggling for a better future. It shows it is possible to bring about positive change, and still do it peacefully. All it takes is courage and perseverance, and a belief that positive change is possible.
That is why the slogan for our campaign was 'It is Possible!'" "On behalf of all African women, I want to express my profound appreciation for this honour, which will serve to encourage women in Kenya, in Africa, and around the world to raise their voices and not to be deterred." "When we plant trees, we plant the seeds of peace and seeds of hope. We also secure the future for our children. I call on those around the world to celebrate by planting a tree wherever you are.
"As she received the Nobel Peace Prize this week in Oslo, she invited us all to get involved: "Today we are faced with a challenge that calls for a shift in our thinking, so that humanity stops threatening its life-support system. We are called to assist the Earth to heal her wounds and in the process heal our own."
Can we accept Wangari's invitation?
A woman named Wangari watched all of this happening.
She decided that there must be a way to take better care of the land and take better care of the women and girls. So she planted a tree. And then she planted another. She wanted to plant thousands of trees, but she realized that it would take a very long time if she was the only one doing it. So she taught the women who were looking for firewood to plant trees, and they were paid a small amount for each sapling they grew. Soon she organized women all over the country to plant trees, and a movement took hold. It was called the Green Belt Movement, and with each passing year, more and more trees covered the land. But something else was happening as the women planted those trees. Something else besides those trees was taking root.
The women began to have confidence in themselves. They began to see that they could make a difference. They began to see that they were capable of many things, and that they were equal to the men.They began to recognize that they were deserving of being treated with respect and dignity. Changes like these were threatening to some. The president of the country didn't like any of this. So police were sent to intimidate and beat Wangari for planting trees, and for planting ideas of equality and democracy in people's heads, especially in women's.
She was accused of "subversion" and arrested many times. Once, while Wangari was trying to plant trees, she was clubbed by guards hired by developers who wantedthe lands cleared. She was hospitalized with head injuries. But she survived, and it only made her realize that she was on the right path. For almost thirty years, she was threatened physically, and she was often made fun of in the press. But she didn't flinch. She only had to look in the eyes of her three children, and in the eyes of the thousands of women and girls who were blossoming right along with the trees, and she found the strength to continue. And that is how it came to be that 30 million trees have been planted in Africa, one tree at a time.
The landscapes--both the external one of the land and the internal one of the people--have been transformed. In 2002, the people of Kenya held a democratic election, and the president who opposed Wangari and her Green Belt Movement is no longer in office. And Wangari is now Kenya's Assistant Minister for the Environment.S he is 65 years old, and this year she planted one more tree in celebration and thanksgiving for being given a very great honor:
Wangari Maathai has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
She is the first African woman to receive this award. After she was notified, she gave a speech entitled,"What Do Trees Have To Do With Peace? "She pointed out how most wars are fought over limited natural resources, such as oil, land, coal or diamonds. She called for an end to corporate greed, and for leaders to build more just societies. She added:"Our recent experience in Kenya gives hope to all who have been struggling for a better future. It shows it is possible to bring about positive change, and still do it peacefully. All it takes is courage and perseverance, and a belief that positive change is possible.
That is why the slogan for our campaign was 'It is Possible!'" "On behalf of all African women, I want to express my profound appreciation for this honour, which will serve to encourage women in Kenya, in Africa, and around the world to raise their voices and not to be deterred." "When we plant trees, we plant the seeds of peace and seeds of hope. We also secure the future for our children. I call on those around the world to celebrate by planting a tree wherever you are.
"As she received the Nobel Peace Prize this week in Oslo, she invited us all to get involved: "Today we are faced with a challenge that calls for a shift in our thinking, so that humanity stops threatening its life-support system. We are called to assist the Earth to heal her wounds and in the process heal our own."
Can we accept Wangari's invitation?
Monday, January 24, 2005
When in the mirror of your life
Within this mirror you see,
that the twinkle in your eyes
speaks of the passion that causes your heart to beat so rapidly
Often I wonder, do your lips effect you as they do me?
It is but through my pure imagination that I feel those lips press against mine,
and my heart does pound in the same beat by beat
as I am holding you close in my mind.
Beautiful...Is but the sunrise and of each day that I have purposed because of you.
As perfect is what the sunset will bare witness to at the end of a day soon to come
when I am spending it with you my love,
within the mirror of our lives............ together.
that the twinkle in your eyes
speaks of the passion that causes your heart to beat so rapidly
Often I wonder, do your lips effect you as they do me?
It is but through my pure imagination that I feel those lips press against mine,
and my heart does pound in the same beat by beat
as I am holding you close in my mind.
Beautiful...Is but the sunrise and of each day that I have purposed because of you.
As perfect is what the sunset will bare witness to at the end of a day soon to come
when I am spending it with you my love,
within the mirror of our lives............ together.
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Wanting to discover other people in my work and play life,
I found that by providing the answer,
it often revealed the questions.
Who am I(?) is a question that can best be answered when viewed through the prism,
of who I am not.
Honestly:
I don't want You to be less than I am for the comfort level of those around we may be around.
For I am not a man who will not let you explore your thoughts with me, even when you're unfocused, for that is how I get focused too.
I am not a man who does not kiss and touch gently to stimulate you as we begin to make love, but sometimes it's just sex.
I am not a man who does not allow your natural rhythms for sleep, food, relaxation, work and exercise to be what they are, or need to be.
I am not a man who is not fascinated by what's in your mind, as you need to with my own.
I am a man who doesn't care how I dress or look, Yet I am focused on how you do, and I will respond to you standing before me in a short skirt and heels, a house coat, or nothing at all.
I am a man who will not, nor can not withhold himself from my family, my love, my sex, my thoughts, my activities, my ambitions, my fantasies, my writings.
I am a man who will allow you to love him and express it in the way that is yours to express, who does demands it look a certain way pre-determined by me, yet real Love has many faces, so I am flexible.
I am a man who abuses my strength and capability for my own laziness, deceit or denial, for I am often too much and so I have to temper myself around others, sometimes, maybe even you.
I am a man who can care for himself and you, and if need be, financially. But first, I reclaim all that is mine, at least for my own issues of self.
I am a man who would ask you to do something for him that he knew would hurt, or endanger you, or some part of my life, but only as a tool to your outer growth and inner amazement.
I am not a man who uses pornography. Or has a secret sex life.
I am not a man who will tolerate anyone hurting those I love because I am out of touch with me, nor for that matter, those who you love aside from me.
I am a man who does not know how to be any less than you are in all of your activities and thoughts, no matter how small or large.
I am a man who does not understand your physicality...both the strength and the chronic pain. Though I am not a man who does not appreciate what you have done in your life with the handicaps of pain and limitation is profound and I will support you with massage, a watchful eye, a healthy lifestyle and a heavy hand.
I am a man who is at peace around his parents.
I am a man who does see what your children mean to you and I will create opportunities to your parenting and their growth therein.
I am a man who accepts your friends on a basic level, and will desire to not characterize them negatively in a way designed to plump himself up, but I will not accept less than the best for you, from them.
I am not a man who has any prejudice toward any peoples, individuals, or groups, unless it’s the government, but I am not tolerant nevertheless.
I am not a man who is tied heavily to a doctrine that causes him to be narrow in his humanity or intellect.
I am not a man who is afraid of manual labor.
I am not a man who relies on alcohol, drugs, or any activity to be an obsession and an exclusion from others, but I do have some very strong areas of focus and commitment.
I am a man who deploys his leavings around the house....newspapers, corks, socks, wrappers... As though to say it is always someone else's job to follow me, but I am aware of this habit and attempt to make up for it in my cooking and addiction to doing the laundry. The flowers that I also leave all over the place and of course, my humble love and tenderness, which also translates into the rest of the relationship.
I am a man who does help you to grow sexually through our intimacy and I value sex, yet strive more towards completeness and not just the act itself.
I am a man who does not reflect on his behavior towards others, but I am thoughtful about my love and how she thinks and feels.
I am a man, who does open doors for you, and hope for and often pray that you will seek to open a door for me every now and then.
I am a man who is not often well groomed, but I seek to please you with my appearance, even if I know you can not see me.
I am a man who is not present when he's present, but I will always seek to say so when I can, and you are more than welcome to invite me in, on those occasions when you see that I am out..........there!
I am a man who doesn't understand and like romance............lol!
I am a man who does like his woman getting harmless attention (looks, etc) from men, though overly flirty can be addictive.
I am a man who knows a big and foolish mistake is to take you for granted.
I am not a man who lacks passion and hasn't used his own experiences, good and not, to energize his life.
I am not a man who criticizes you for things you like as though they are silly, even when to me, they may indeed be.
I am not a man who feels "female" activities are somehow less than "male" ones. Like having lunch with a girlfriend is a silly hen coffee clutch thing, but having a beer with the boys is the real thing. Or, one who objects to you having a beer with the boys, maybe.
I am not A man, who doesn't see YOU as you are,
nor often do I want you to be to me whoever it is I may think I need to you to be for my unresolved issues and partially broken heart.
Truly, I just like people to be themselves and therefore open to the honesty
that dwells within us both!
it often revealed the questions.
Who am I(?) is a question that can best be answered when viewed through the prism,
of who I am not.
Honestly:
I don't want You to be less than I am for the comfort level of those around we may be around.
For I am not a man who will not let you explore your thoughts with me, even when you're unfocused, for that is how I get focused too.
I am not a man who does not kiss and touch gently to stimulate you as we begin to make love, but sometimes it's just sex.
I am not a man who does not allow your natural rhythms for sleep, food, relaxation, work and exercise to be what they are, or need to be.
I am not a man who is not fascinated by what's in your mind, as you need to with my own.
I am a man who doesn't care how I dress or look, Yet I am focused on how you do, and I will respond to you standing before me in a short skirt and heels, a house coat, or nothing at all.
I am a man who will not, nor can not withhold himself from my family, my love, my sex, my thoughts, my activities, my ambitions, my fantasies, my writings.
I am a man who will allow you to love him and express it in the way that is yours to express, who does demands it look a certain way pre-determined by me, yet real Love has many faces, so I am flexible.
I am a man who abuses my strength and capability for my own laziness, deceit or denial, for I am often too much and so I have to temper myself around others, sometimes, maybe even you.
I am a man who can care for himself and you, and if need be, financially. But first, I reclaim all that is mine, at least for my own issues of self.
I am a man who would ask you to do something for him that he knew would hurt, or endanger you, or some part of my life, but only as a tool to your outer growth and inner amazement.
I am not a man who uses pornography. Or has a secret sex life.
I am not a man who will tolerate anyone hurting those I love because I am out of touch with me, nor for that matter, those who you love aside from me.
I am a man who does not know how to be any less than you are in all of your activities and thoughts, no matter how small or large.
I am a man who does not understand your physicality...both the strength and the chronic pain. Though I am not a man who does not appreciate what you have done in your life with the handicaps of pain and limitation is profound and I will support you with massage, a watchful eye, a healthy lifestyle and a heavy hand.
I am a man who is at peace around his parents.
I am a man who does see what your children mean to you and I will create opportunities to your parenting and their growth therein.
I am a man who accepts your friends on a basic level, and will desire to not characterize them negatively in a way designed to plump himself up, but I will not accept less than the best for you, from them.
I am not a man who has any prejudice toward any peoples, individuals, or groups, unless it’s the government, but I am not tolerant nevertheless.
I am not a man who is tied heavily to a doctrine that causes him to be narrow in his humanity or intellect.
I am not a man who is afraid of manual labor.
I am not a man who relies on alcohol, drugs, or any activity to be an obsession and an exclusion from others, but I do have some very strong areas of focus and commitment.
I am a man who deploys his leavings around the house....newspapers, corks, socks, wrappers... As though to say it is always someone else's job to follow me, but I am aware of this habit and attempt to make up for it in my cooking and addiction to doing the laundry. The flowers that I also leave all over the place and of course, my humble love and tenderness, which also translates into the rest of the relationship.
I am a man who does help you to grow sexually through our intimacy and I value sex, yet strive more towards completeness and not just the act itself.
I am a man who does not reflect on his behavior towards others, but I am thoughtful about my love and how she thinks and feels.
I am a man, who does open doors for you, and hope for and often pray that you will seek to open a door for me every now and then.
I am a man who is not often well groomed, but I seek to please you with my appearance, even if I know you can not see me.
I am a man who is not present when he's present, but I will always seek to say so when I can, and you are more than welcome to invite me in, on those occasions when you see that I am out..........there!
I am a man who doesn't understand and like romance............lol!
I am a man who does like his woman getting harmless attention (looks, etc) from men, though overly flirty can be addictive.
I am a man who knows a big and foolish mistake is to take you for granted.
I am not a man who lacks passion and hasn't used his own experiences, good and not, to energize his life.
I am not a man who criticizes you for things you like as though they are silly, even when to me, they may indeed be.
I am not a man who feels "female" activities are somehow less than "male" ones. Like having lunch with a girlfriend is a silly hen coffee clutch thing, but having a beer with the boys is the real thing. Or, one who objects to you having a beer with the boys, maybe.
I am not A man, who doesn't see YOU as you are,
nor often do I want you to be to me whoever it is I may think I need to you to be for my unresolved issues and partially broken heart.
Truly, I just like people to be themselves and therefore open to the honesty
that dwells within us both!
Friday, January 07, 2005
Something else to consider:
What's It All About?
Life isn't about keeping score.
It's not about how many friends you have.
Nor about if you have plans this weekend or if you're alone.
It isn't about who you're dating, who you used to date,
how many people you've dated,
or if you haven't been with anyone at all.
It isn't about who you have kissed, it's not about sex.
It isn't about who your family is or how much money they have.
Or what kind of car you drive.
Or where you went to school.
It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are.
Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on,
or what kind of music you listen to.
It's not about if your hair is blonde, red, black, or brown.
Or if your skin is too light or too dark.
It's not about what grades you get, how smart you are,
how smart everybody else thinks you are,
or how smart standardized tests say you are.
It's not about what clubs you're in or how good you are at "your" sport.
It's not about representing your whole being on a piece of paper
and seeing who will "accept the written you.
"But, life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It's about who you make happy or unhappy purposefully.
It's about keeping or betraying trust.
It's about friendship, used as a sanctity or a weapon.
It's about what you mean and say, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening.
It's about starting rumors and contributing to petty gossip.
It's about what judgments you pass and why.
And who your judgments are spread to.
It's about who you've ignored with full control and intention.
It's about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge.
It's about carrying inner hate or love, letting it grow, and spreading it.
But most of all;
It's about using your life to touch or poison other people's hearts
in such a way that could have never occurred alone.
Only you choose the way those hearts are affected,
and those choices are what life's all about.
~~author unknown
Life isn't about keeping score.
It's not about how many friends you have.
Nor about if you have plans this weekend or if you're alone.
It isn't about who you're dating, who you used to date,
how many people you've dated,
or if you haven't been with anyone at all.
It isn't about who you have kissed, it's not about sex.
It isn't about who your family is or how much money they have.
Or what kind of car you drive.
Or where you went to school.
It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are.
Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on,
or what kind of music you listen to.
It's not about if your hair is blonde, red, black, or brown.
Or if your skin is too light or too dark.
It's not about what grades you get, how smart you are,
how smart everybody else thinks you are,
or how smart standardized tests say you are.
It's not about what clubs you're in or how good you are at "your" sport.
It's not about representing your whole being on a piece of paper
and seeing who will "accept the written you.
"But, life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It's about who you make happy or unhappy purposefully.
It's about keeping or betraying trust.
It's about friendship, used as a sanctity or a weapon.
It's about what you mean and say, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening.
It's about starting rumors and contributing to petty gossip.
It's about what judgments you pass and why.
And who your judgments are spread to.
It's about who you've ignored with full control and intention.
It's about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge.
It's about carrying inner hate or love, letting it grow, and spreading it.
But most of all;
It's about using your life to touch or poison other people's hearts
in such a way that could have never occurred alone.
Only you choose the way those hearts are affected,
and those choices are what life's all about.
~~author unknown
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